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untitled: Ciara McGee

by Ciara McKee

I will control you.
There is nothing you can do.
I will make you hurt,
as blood runs down your shirt.

Try to run from my sinister evils.
I will bring you back.
I will always attack you.
Make you think things are getting better.
But did you really think you were?

I linger in the back of your mind.
You are unkind.
Unworthy of love.
Unworthy of life.
So take this knife
Because you aren’t getting out of this alive.

How about a pill?
I promise it will kill.
One overdose.
The doctors work to save you

Your face lacking oxygen
Turning blue.
Fingers down your throat.
Blurry vision
Short of breath
Am I near death?

I hear a slight buzzing.
Why can’t I see?
What is happening to me?

I hear a doctor say
I feel so much fear.
I am intimidated by death
Please don’t let this be my last breath.

My breathing comes to a halt
Oh God this is all my fault!
I have a daughter.
All she wanted was for me to get better.
What will her mother say?

Will she say
“I told you so?”
Will she comfort her
And hold her while she cries?
I can’t die.

The heart monitor screams
Announcing my death.
I should have savored my last breath.

Now it’s too late.
Unfortunately I have met my fate.
Don’t fall in my footsteps
I promise they are all missteps.

You can get better
You can be okay.
Please don’t let the addiction get its way.
No matter what people say
You can get away.

Addiction is cynical.
It will make you feel invisible.
You matter
And you can face your attacker.

You are kind.
You are worthy of love,
You are worthy of life.